Void

It is coming up on a year since I got that phone call from my younger brother telling me that my dad had died. It was March 13th, a day that I will always remember. It was a Saturday and I had to work which was becoming the norm for the project I was on. We were behind schedule and so this was an attempt to make up some time. During that day I kept getting this feeling that I needed to go to Amarillo and pick up my suits that I had ordered and gotten tailored. I didn't know why but knew that I needed to. So when I got home I told Codi and she was ok with it and off I went tired and worn out from a long week. As I was almost to my destination my phone rang and it was Jonathan..."I have some bad news...dad died."

Those words have stuck with me for a year now and it has been pretty hard to imagine. Growing up my parents divorced when I was 5 and my dad was on the road a lot working construction. After the divorce we didn't get to see him a lot and by the time I was 7 we didn't get to see him at all. It wasn't until my teen years that I was able to find my dad and reconnect. He wasn't the same person I remembered because of some life choices he made, however, he was still my dad and I loved him no matter what.

I can remember the first time I took Codi to meet him and the house he was living in was kind of scary, but when I saw him he knew who I was and embraced me with open arms. I continued to tell me he loved me and how he wished he could have been there more for me. He never spoke ill of my mother and would not allow me to do likewise. Everytime I would see him he would try his hardest to straighten up a little, be a little taller and try not to indulge in the demon that raked his body. But he would have to have a drink, and he would apologize for it.

My dad loved me so much and when he was admitted to the hospital the first time in late September of '09 and we didn't know if he would make it he knew who I was when I walked into that ICU room. He was being detoxed and experiencing the worst tremors anyone could imagine. I was told by the nurse that he didn't recognize people and would become violent. When he saw me and I said Hey dad, how are you feeling...he said Coby I love you and am sorry you have to see me like this. He would come in and out of sleep for the rest of the night but when he would be awake we would talk. He wanted to hear about his grandkids and how he hoped he would ge to see them. That week was a trying week as he was moved to a VA hospital and detoxed some more, but I also had to set up the medical power of attorney and start making arrangements for when he would eventually pass away. The doctor told me he would likely have 6 months to 3 years to live. Not something you would like to hear but knowing the battle he was facing it was reality.

I was able to take the family back to Moberly and see him one final time at Thanksgiving. My kids got to meet and see their Grandpa Ray. They still talk about that time at his house and I hope they never forget him. He was so happy to see his grandkids and Codi and I as we were happy to see him again. I later found out that on the following Monday he was admitted to the hospital again for about a week. Things were starting to not look good, but I held out hope.

On March 13th my dad passed away quitely in his home with his friends around him. He always seemed to have friends around, many people loved him and he would love them back. He was a very caring and compassionate man. Unfortunately on March 17th we buried him with a proper military funeral. The following six weeks were difficult for me as I was in a haze and couldn't quite get out of it. Eventually real life kept creeping in and took over my thoughts and I was getting better. But these last two to three weeks have been a very difficult one for me. I feel a big void in my life. I am not able to sleep and I want to scream out, cry and be angry all at the same time. I have never felt this way before and it really bothers me. I don't know what I can do to fix this pain I feel inside. I have recently resorted to sleeping pills to help me, but I don't know if they we help much.

There is a void that I carry with me and love that I am missing in my life right now. A love that a father has for his son, one that I know very well as I have that love for my boys. I truly miss my dad and know that he is looking out over me as I can feel his love, but it hurts inside knowing he is gone.

My he rest in peace...Charles Raymond Long March 13th, 2010. I love you dad!

Love at Home

It has been several months since our blog has been updated and some may think we have fallen off the earth after our move back to Katy. Let this be proof we are still alive and kickin'.

This past week Codi has been at her mom's helping her with a quilt show that her guild has been putting on for several years. This gave me the opportunity to stay home and take care of our kids while she was away. I don't get the chance to be home as much as we would like due to my new position, but when I am home I cherish the moments.

Wednesday Codi flew out and I took off work early to ensure that someone was home when the kids got off the bus and to pick Gavin up from a neighbor's house. Everything went really well and smooth. Codi made it safely and everyone was still alive the next morning...Yeah me, I can be trusted with the kids :D

As this week/weekend has gone on there has been an underlying them I keep thinking of and that is "Love at Home." Why...when we all got home on Wednesday Codi had left all of us a treat with notes on them and they showed us she loved us. As I made Gavin's lunch on Thursday I remembered how Codi would write little notes in our lunchs to show us she was thinking of us and how much she loved us.

Each night as we would kneel for family prayers whoever was praying would always pray for Codi and her safety. As I would tuck the kids in and give them hugs and kisses each one would seem to hug me a little tighter or give me a more meaningful kiss on the cheek. I don't know if this is because Codi is gone or because I am home, either way it warmed my heart. I love my family very much and appreciate all Codi does for us to keep this house running as such a well oiled machine. I can't quite fill her shoes but there is one thing I know while she is gone is her love for us is always here.

There is such a feeling of love in our home and I hope friends and family notice it when they are visiting. We may not always get along with each other, but at the end of the day we always love each other. Whether it be by saying it, hugging tighter or showing it in other ways...there is always Love at Home.

Moving Day

It's been no secret that Borger was a VERY hard move for our family. Leaving lots of friends and a strong ward in Katy and moving to a more remote area in the panhandle of TX was HARD! When I heard that we would be more than likely moving from Borger back to Katy over 6 months ago, I was excited! I've never moved back to a place where I had lived before (at least not where I actually remembered the people - did it a couple of times when I was young).

Today the packers/movers come and this has been more of an emotional time than I anticipated. So far this summer the kids and I have been almost gypsy-like in our constant traveling and so moving day always seemed so far away, something to write lists in anticipation of, but wasn't really going to happen...

About a week and a half ago I got hives all over (itchy, itchy) and after 2 steroid shots and a week of steroid meds I hope they are gone for good. I stress differently with each move and I guess it was hives this time. SOO grateful for modern meds!

Borger has been a learning experience for our whole family. Coby has had yet another opportunity to deal with a local management team that is better at knocking down then training and building up and a job that he loved, but was very emotionally hard dealing with the people involved.

The kids had a hard time making friends, but have finally bonded with a few and they will be missed. They have been playing with them the last couple of days and I know they will be sad to say goodbye for good.

I have struggled to get to know people and find a niche in Borger. Just about the time I did we are moving. I have learned some great lessons here though, some I have learned before and some new. I have felt the love of the Lord when I'm at a low point and know how important pondering and studying the scriptures is to my personal well-being. I know that "what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger" and I know that I can be a force for good.

Got up early (4am) today - wasn't sleeping anyway - and headed out to bootcamp (5am). Now that I have my nervous energy gone (really all my energy gone - been over a month since I've been and I'm tired!) I'm ready to tackle the first day of moving!

YUMMY!

I had a friend post on FB post that she was looking for something to make with leftover key limes...this is the perfect thing! Wish I had a picture to post, but it's been a while since I've made this. It is YUMMY though!

Key Lime Cheesecake with Strawberry Sauce
Southern Living

Makes: 10-12 servings
Prep: 20 minutes
Bake: 1 hr. 13 min.
Stand: 15 min.
Chill: 8 hrs.

Crust
2c. graham cracker crumbs
1/4 c. sugar
1/2 c. butter, melted
Stir together above ingredients and firmly press on bottom and 1 inch up sides of greased 9-inch springform pan. Bake 350 for 8 min; cool.

Filling
3 (8oz.) pkgs. cream cheese, softened
1 1/4 c. sugar
3 large eggs
1 (8oz) sour cream
1 1/2 tsp. grated lime rind
1/2 c. key lime juice
Beat cream cheese at medium speed with an electric mixer until fluffy; gradually add sugar, beating until blended. Add eggs - one at a time - beating well after each addition. Stir in sour cream, rind, and juice. Pour batter into crust.

Bake 325 for 1 hr. 5min.; turn oven off. Partially open oven door; let stand in oven 15 minutes. Remove from oven and immediately run knife around edge of pan, releasing sides.

Cool completely in pan on wire rack; cover and chill 8 hrs.
Garnish with lime slices, lime zest, and whipped cream, if desired.
Serve with Strawberry Sauce.

Strawberry Sauce (makes 1 c.)
1 1/4 c. strawberries
1/4 c. sugar
1 1/2 tsp. grated lime rind
Process all ingredients in food processor until smooth - scrape down sides.

The Pledge of Alliegence??

Gavin came home from preschool today and had a certificate which said "Congratulations to Gavin who can say the "Pledge of Allegiance". I asked him to tell me the Pledge - this is how it goes (in Gavin's mind anyway):

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,
and to the Republic ... who believeth in Him shall not perish
but have Everlasting Life. Amen."

I think that he has gotten Primary and Preschool mixed up, but I believe the scripture about "out of the mouth of babes" is right on the money...how TRUE would this Pledge be?? I believe the "Proclamation to the World" on the Family says this, just in more words.

Had to share, this totally tickled me!

On the road, again

One of my many fabulous cousins (on my mom's side) left for the MTC going to the Barcelona Spain Mission (she is the older sister to my cousin that got married in November). Her "farewell" was over MLK weekend and even though I wanted to go, I couldn't find a way to get away. I knew that it would be a blast and a HUGE party with family and FOOD, but just thought there was no way to go.

Then the Monday before her farewell weekend, I got a wild hare and decided to take the kids out of school on Thursday and make the drive to Las Vegas (a road trip in the new van - Coby couldn't go :( Someone has to earn the $$ to pay the bills). I did lots of laundry, packed suitcases, snax, etc. and Thursday morning we were up and on the road by 6am. Leaving in the dark made me SLEEPY and we had lots of potty stops early on in the trip (mostly because mom had to potty too), but we fell into a rhythm and 14.5 hours later we arrived in LV just in time for a YUMMY dinner!

We partied late into the night (esp. because LV is two hours behind central time), ate WAY TOO MUCH FOOD, the kids got to swim the in hot tub (too cold for the pool), played with cousins, shopped (Costco, Best Buy - all the "big city" places), and had LOTS of FUN! We enjoyed the opportunity to be with family, meet new friends, and have I mentioned the FOOD?

What a fun time, what great hosts, and it was great to hear Makayla's talk on the Atonement. What a great topic to study and teach about. She will be such an awesome missionary! Another cousin (Shayla) will be leaving for her mission to the Madrid Spain mission in March. She was there too. Since most of the cousins on my mom's side are younger than me (by 10+ years) it has been great watching them grow up and go on missions/get married! How exciting!

I also reconnected with an old friend - Colleen Peterson - while there. We share a common friend (Kathleen Briggs) who passed away after years fighting cancer. Kathleen was the most wonderful person! She was a people cheerleader and always saw the best in people! She is an amazing woman!! Colleen is awesome. She has so many talents and abilities!

The time to leave came too quickly and we were off at 4am (LV time) on Monday morning. The trip home was easier than the trip there. We made it home in about 13.75 hours, in time for a quix dinner and bed for the kids (and me, with all the partying, I was TIRED!).

It was well worth the 2 days of driving. That is one of the best parts of living in the panhandle of Texas, we are a day drive closer to family in the West. When we move again that will be one of the hard parts...

I LOVE my family!

The New Year brought change

January came (and has gone) before we knew it. The break between Cmas and New Year's evaporated and we decided it was because we were sitting in front of the TV too much, so we made a command decision and cancelled our DirecTV. I thought it would be TOO hard to keep going, but after about a week the "cravings" went away and life has continued on. We do have an antenna and get the basic channels. I have to admit that PBS is my favorite! The kid shows are great (and I usually don't have to worry about the content) and the Masterpiece Classic version of Jane Austin's Emma has been addicting! We are lucky to live in a modern age so we can access Hulu and the websites for different shows that we like to watch or have missed. Our computer is hooked up to the big TV so it's just like watching it on TV (and it's free).

At that same time we decided that we don't use our home phone enough to justify paying the bill every month, so we cancelled that too. It was thru AT&T (as WAS our internet). When Coby called to cancel it, he was told that the Internet MIGHT be down for 24 hours. Although that would put a cramp in my system, I can go 24 hours without Internet (luckily I have it on my phone). Well, after losing it EARLY on a Monday morning, I waited until Tuesday afternoon before calling AT&T since I didn't have internet yet. The very nice customer service lady told me I was on the schedule to get my internet hooked up Wednesday between 8am -8pm. Although I didn't want to wait another 24 hours I said ok. Well, at 4pm on Wednesday I STILL didn't have internet so I called AT&T again. This is when it all went bad. I talked to MULTIPLE customer service reps, supervisors, etc. and NONE of them could find an account for my internet to be hooked up and after spending WAY TOO MUCH TIME on the phone, I told them to cancel it. The final lady I talked too was so nice, but I have had bad luck with AT&T before and so it was a big decision for us to go with them again.

A couple of months before a nice lady had come to our door to introduce Clear Communications in our area. We liked her and the product, but had put $$ into a new modem, etc. for AT&T and didn't want to switch (since we should be moving soon anyway). Well, Coby was on the phone with Clear as I was dealing with AT&T and within 30 minutes of cancelling AT&T and calling Clear the sales lady was at our house and we were set up and I was back on the Internet.

AT&T is now dead to me and I LOVE that Clear was so on the ball. They are starting up in the Houston area so we hope to continue our account down there when we move. If you are looking for new Internet I HIGHLY recommend Clear. Even during the massive snow storm we had here last week we didn't have a problem with it! If you are in the market I would consider Clear!